last issue | home | forums

As promised, and because you demanded it, here is the SNLalysis of the Season Premiere. But first, a clarification is in order:

D: For the record, you are denying that you are the M. Foley that sent sexually suggestive emails to underage dudes, correct?

M: Wow. I guess some people are comfortable making sport of kid touching. You're very brave.

D: Not touching, just emailing.

M: And just to clarify, I adopted the pseudonym, M. Foley, as a tribute, of course, to our favorite SNL'er, Farley. I just have horrific timing. Like when I named my child Osama back in August, 2001. I should have gone with my first choice: Hitler.

D: Wow, a 9/11 joke and a Hiltler reference. Congratulations.

M: Danke.

Introduction Sketch

D: The "South Carolina Comptroller" introduction sketch was boring and bland, at best. I appreciate the fact that they are taking swings at Bush, but they need to up the intensity. I mean, the guy is functionally retarded.

M: Forte is funny but he is often given nothing funny to say. Please don't misunderstand me. I want to laugh. That's why I'm watching.

D: Let's move on. Dane Cook is a toolbox, have we established that? That said, I did laugh a little bit during his opening monologue.

M: Yeah, I did laugh at some of his safe, frat-boy, "don't you hate it when..." jokes, but I'm not proud. Isn't he getting a little long in the tooth for the designer jeans and t-shirt thing? But he is "high energy" and doesn't appear to have an opinion on anything real so I hope he accepts me as a friend on his MySpace! Also, there's talk that he steals jokes and is using his fame to be an a-hole to other comics. Rock on, dude!

D: The Home Land Security "Is it a Liquid?" sketch is an unfunny premise that was kind of unfunny. Although it did have Armisen and Forte in it, who are always terrifying and disturbing, respectively. Or is it the other way around?

M: I did laugh at the "...or a gel." line.

D: Yes, a jizz joke is always welcome. Speaking of jizz, that Al Pacino was sketch was borderline brilliant. Bill Hader's imitation is impeccable. He's really got that weird southern drawl of recent Pacino down. I loved it. Probably the best thing of the night.

M: It was awesome but I'd probably be more impressed if he did the "pre-hooah" Pacino. I miss circa GF2 Al.

SNL Digital Short

M: Blatant "Office Space" rip-off redeemed by the extreme bloodiness at the end.

D: The atrociously violent final scene was a delight.

Weekend Update

D: The Weekend Update sucked, generally speaking. Seth Meyers kind of yells his lines - I don't know whether he was doing that intentionally or not - but it rather annoyed me.

M: I think I liked this better than you. I laughed at a couple of stories Amy Poehler did (Bin Laden crashing with a date and the Tiger skin rug) but the Bill Clinton/Condoleezza Rice thing went on for what seemed like 18 hours. I also liked the pre-taped Brian Williams segment. What was with the vaseline on the lense thing with Poehler?

D: Yeah, the soft lense is the opposite of funny. I deplored the Bill Clinton/Condoleezza Rice bit. They should have done a straight up send-up of Clinton on Fox news. Instead, it's a Bill Clinton hitting on Condoleezza Rice. Get it? Because he's a womanizer and there's been unsubstantiated talk of her sexuality. Isn't that hilarious? Plus Hammond stopped imitating Clinton halfway through the segment and was just mailing it in. I don't want to sound harsh, but it's time for him to go.

M: I'm in the unfortunate position of having to agree with you. He should have sacrificed himself for Sanz. Also, the Screech thing was good, if not particularly inspired.

D: This angered me. I guess the premise is that Forte and Cook are Poland Spring Water delivery men who are addicted to it or something? Just horrible. Not relevant, not insightful, and not absurd enough if that was what they were going for. Can you help me out on this one?

M: It was like a foul stench that no one wanted to admit to. The writers and performers are presumably well paid, correct? Just not funny.

Poehler as Farrah Fawcet and the Bar Bouncer Sketch

D: Poehler is one of the best of the current cast, and the short introduction bit she did to the Bar Bouncer sketch was quite funny.

M: Agreed. She's very funny. And hitting Farrah while she's down is pure comedy gold.

D: The Bar Bouncer sketch itself again angered me a great deal. I don't get. I really don't. Are they trying to create crazy memorable characters or something? I'd like to take a bic pen and shove it in the eye of the writer of this one. Is that wrong?

M: A little, but I'm going to allow it.

Insurance Ad with Adam Samberg and Maya Rudolph as Whitney Houston

D: Pretty good. Rudolph portrays Houston as a cracked-out whore. It happens.

M: She also can be very funny. I just need a little more meanness and out of proportion anger. Please?

Harsh Conclusions

M: All in all, as sub-par as it gets. I can recall two actual laughs, none from Dane Cock.

D: I'm hopeful as always. The Pacino sketch was the best of the night.

M: Shut it.

Both M. Foley and Dave have jobs.