Hi, my name is Rick and I am a REAL ALCOHOLIC. I have quite a few 24s and have worked the steps, ALL OF THEM! It’s difficult for me to pick a favorite step, as they are all a huge part of my recovery, but it was the 8th and 9th I did with the guidance of my sponsor (a real big book thumper!) that seemed to release me from the 1000 forms of fear and self-centeredness.

I have to admit, I was fearful of contacting some of those folks that I had harmed and let my sponsor know. For example, how was I to tell my elderly employer, a local bookstore owner located next to the new Borders, that I had stole thousands of dollars from the register over the last six months I had worked for him? Or when I was all wasted last August and forgot that I had left my nephew’s six-month old Golden Retriever in the car with the windows rolled up? Or when I ate a handful of Xanax and went to the local elementary school wearing only black socks and a smile? Or spray painting, “I KNOW YOU ARE THE POLICE, JUST FRIGGEN ARREST ME” on my neighbor’s car in the midst of a two-day cocaine binge? Not to mention the fact that I set a hobo on fire once and gave several people of both sexes AIDS.

Well thank God for a sponsor! My sponsor reviewed this list - again, it’s directly from my 4th and 5th! - and listened to my concerns. I sat nervously as he looked at me and said, “You forgot someone.” I didn’t think that I had, in fact I thought I was painfully thorough (like the book says!)

I asked what I had forgotten. He stated “You!”

“What do you mean?” I asked. I didn’t remember reading that in the Big Book!

“Yes,” he explained, “you forgot to put yourself on this list. Not only that, you need to put yourself at the top of your list.”

My sponsor reminded me that I had been through a tremendous ordeal, having a disease that tells me that I don’t I have a disease, and that I owed a big amend to myself! He was right. I’ve been a friggin’ doormat most of my life! If anything many of these people owe me an amends. One day at a time I have been able to forgive most of the people that have wronged me and with the help of God and my sponsor I am trying to live on a spiritual plane. Thanks for letting me share.